Divorce and Annulment Over Dinner

My daughter and I were having dinner when she paused and asked me in all seriousness, "Mommy, what is the difference between divorce and annulment? Kasi I get confused."

Say what?

I normally do not allow shock or any indifferent reaction to register on my face whenever my ten year old daughter throws questions which take me aback. I carry on with the conversation like it was just a usual question. This is my way of letting her feel she can ask me anything, anything at all. There will not be any feeling of prejudice whenever she speaks her mind.

I have to ask her first why did she ask. Are her friends talking about it? She said she just hears it quite a lot. One is from the news about Madonna. Now I remember the television was tuned in to one of E!'s shows detailing the most expensive divorce in Hollywood. Then she said she read about divorce and annulment when she looked at Madonna and Britney Spears' profiles in IMDB. Oh. Should I now block IMDB from the family computer?

This may be an innocent question from her but I do not want to impress her that divorce or annulment are taken as casually as that - get a checklist and see what suits oneself. So first off I have to say people get married for the right reasons like her Dad and me. We love each other, we got married at the right time and we continuously work on our differences. We are happy with each other. For some, problems arise which they cannot find solutions anymore. I do not want to make this a lecture as I am supposed to answer her curiosity about divorce and annulment. I just feel I have to give that piece quickly but with great emphasis.

I am not a lawyer so help me on this one if I missed it. I did some explaining that divorce ends a legal marriage and what are the possible reasons. I did more explaining as more unfamiliar terms come out of my mouth. Jesus!

And she butted in, "I was thinking divorce is for married people and annulment is for engaged." I laughed at that one. How can she even think of these?

"Can it be both?" No, honey, it can't be.

Annulment is ending a marriage because looking back there are some reasons which make the marriage not legal. This one I find hard explaining. It could be they got married at a young age which is not allowed by law for one.

She did not pursue any questions because she heard Shrek is showing on tv already so she finished her food. I was saved by Shrek. Maybe she understood in a way I explained it but of course the whole concept is alien to her. I know later on, when she is way older, she will get to understand the "nitty-gritty" of relationships, both with my help and on her own.

Sometimes I grasp for answers and explanations with the questions my daughter suddenly thinks of. I feel like I should always have an answer which she would understand. Part of being a mother is trying to know everything. But of course we do not know everything. Don't we wish at times we do because that could help our children's lives to be a breeze. On the other hand, learning and realizing things on their own are a great part of growing up which we do not want them to be deprived of. So, okay, mothers are able and willing supporting actors to their children's lives as they explore life. I am laying the groundwork during these formative years of my daughter just fine that I want to believe.

It feels good my daughter asks me directly things she does not understand. I would like to keep our relationship this way - as open as possible.