Go with the Girls

I'm re-reading a book given to me by my former boss and mentor, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Women. I am browsing on it and read the part about "going with the girls". Yes, it is true. It makes sense. I guess this is also true with most of the women out there, single or married. We just have to make some bonding time with our group of select women - our real-honest-to-goodness friends.

When it comes to my girl friends, I know who to call on whenever I need some laughs to recharge me. I know that whatever I tell them, they will understand and give their thoughts without being pushy. There is no pressure.

We lead different lives. Two of us are mothers faced with different situations at the office and home front. One is still in her scholarly pursuits, a writer and does research all over the world. Obviously leading a bohemian life which she so prefers. At times it comes to my mind what if we trade places. Will I come off as the same person being a single mother or someone who floats through life? I am not really sure how it will be. I love us the way we are that's a fact.

It was a hush-hush late birthday celebration a few weeks ago. We were all busy but we just have to find time. I was leaving the office, stepping out of my room, when they called through the landline. My cell phone's battery was drained at the time. I thought our quick dinner will not push through because I wouldn't know where we will meet. But the gods conspired that we would meet. :)


La Boheme's favorite is the shrimp fra diablo. I love the shrimp with feta cheese and spinach.

The celebrator would have no other salad but the sicilian chicken. It has a lot in it - grapes, mango, pine nuts, lemon-dijon dressing. The flavors of each are still distinct. I love this salad too.


Life and love, our children, men, our aspirations, our friends now living on the other side of the globe. Those were our topics over pasta at Italianni's. Two hours is not enough but we always find ways to communicate. Technology is heaven sent for us. A text, a call, a YM away. I love these girls. :)

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Mood: Mushy.
Music: How to Save a Life, The Fray

Something Nice

I was glad to be featured by BlogHer at iVillage. I received an email from one of their producers telling me they will link my post, I Have a Tween, and requesting for my picture. I hope I was able to share something substantive to all those who clicked and actually read my post. :)



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Mood: At peace.
Music: Dani California, RHCP

Thankful

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Mood: Inspired.
Music: Pocketful of Sunshine, Natasha Bedingfield.

Quote from Guideposts.

I Have a Tween

I remember bonding moments with my mother when I was eight during the mid-70s. Those were as simple as grocery shopping, watching TV, or reading a book together. Or going to a beauty parlor for our haircut and her vanity staples -- manicure and pedicure. Or helping her in the kitchen as she prepared snacks for the family. Simple joys, but I don't remember being happier than when we were connected that way.

Fast forward to present. I am now mother to an ten year old daughter, a "tween," which is how pre-pubescent adolescents are now called. Tween, because they are between childhood and teenage years.

Tweens have their own identity, considered by marketing experts as a distinct and lucrative target market -- a niche for a wide range of products like magazines, books, gadgets, television shows, websites, and toiletries. They bring in money and profit for businesses carrying brands that appeal to them. Sure, they don't earn yet, but they can convince their parents to spend for them.

With all the choices tweens are offered, their attention jumps easily from one interest to another. Media hype about products can mislead, confuse, or even stress them out. They are vulnerable to misinterpreting the cacophony of messages they are subjected to daily.

As parents, we need to take steps to ensure that their young lives are not unduly shaped by the media and that they keep their own identities. As gatekeepers, we have to continuously nurture the values we have imparted to them from the start. Tough job indeed but mothers have ways.

Know and understand. Like most mothers, I set reasonable limits to what my tween can watch on television, read, and access in the Internet. We browse side by side and discover good, fun, educational sites together. At the same time I understand I can only supervise so much: when she goes out, she is on her own. All I can do is to discuss with her the nice and not so nice things outside and to point out possible dangers.

At some point I take our bonding time as an intervention in her "little tween life." I need to know and understand her interests. I listen to her stories. I digest what she really means. If I sense there is really something to it, I start a conversation. Connected to her interest, I often find something that genuinely interests me too. Then we share and enjoy it together, sometimes giggling -- just like best friends!

Get involved. I have my own television fare in Lifestyle Channel or AXN but I need to keep abreast with Hannah Montana, Jesse McCartney, the Cheetah Girls and others in my daughter's chest of faves. Together, we try to know these characters better. We applaud their good points and "tsk tsk" their less than exemplary qualities.

In one episode, Hannah is bothered -- she wants to watch a concert but at the same time has to study for an exam the next day. Without much prodding, my tween concluded Hannah clearly had to choose school. "The concert will have DVD; but there's no repeat for the test!" Alrightee! I gave my smart daughter a hug.

Show support. There are times tweens need to feel independent, which may be as simple as letting them choose what to wear to go to church or to the mall. We used to argue a lot about this but I have since learned to keep cool and generally give in. I never fail to praise my daughter every time I get home to find her assignments all done. I think my appreciative noises have encouraged her to study advanced lessons.

Take time to share. I notice how my tween gets curious when dad and mom talk about the way they were as children. She would eagerly ask questions. To me, for example: "Did you meet mean girls, too, when you were in grade 3?" To her dad: "How did you study and play basketball at the same time?" Though the questions could get tiring, they were an opportunity to share slices of our past life while imparting values.

There are no hard and fast rules in raising a tween. But I am certain of this: they teach us a few things such as to keep in touch with our long-ago youth; to be open to new ideas; to reaffirm our old values; and to remember to teach by example. We want our tweens to walk the right path. And guidance is one way to ensure they are leading the right track.

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Mood: Good.
Music: All for One, High School Musical Cast (TV's tuned in to Disney Channel.)

Friends IRL

I thought blogging will just be...well...blogging for me. I post, I feel good about my post. I blog hop and comment when I want to. And that's it. It did not occur to me that I will have good friends from the blogosphere. They are not just on line friends now but friends in real life.

The first blogger to comment on my first post at Manila Metro Blog was Rachel. I was blogging for only a few months then. I clicked on Rachel's name and found her happy blog. I am inclined to read blogs which are sincere in their posts, no pretensions. I like reading "a day in the life of" kind of blog which I can relate to. Since then we became regular visitors of our respective blogs.

I met Rachel in person and my perception of her was correct except for one thing. I thought she's one petite lady. Oh but she's actually taller than I am. Meeting Rachel was no different from what I read on her blog - she's soft spoken, very warm, always with a smile on her face. It's no wonder her blog, My Soulful Thoughts, is one of the finalists in the Philippine Blog Awards. This post serves as my vote for a wonderful mommy blogger - Rachel. :)

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And this month, what was once just a figment of our imagination came to fruition. The Eating Club went live. And it's not just about food that we talk about. It's all about us, Moms, and what we can share to the world about mommyhood.

The Filipino Mom Blog
I am just so glad I have encountered these mommies in the blog world - Chats, Wenchie, Julie, Feng, Cookie, Cess. Mommies, you make blogging doubly fun for me and enriching as well. :)

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Mood: Yes, this is a mood. :D Feeling full, had so much hainanese rice.
Music: Long Division, Death Cab for Cutie

Morning Shift

My work schedule is hectic these days add to that the fact that I am still adjusting with the work load and the company's culture. Even so, I vowed not to stall my personal endeavors. I need a work-life balance, as I always say. One of the things that recharge me is going to the gym. I mulled over what is the best time to do my work out. Is it in the evening after my work or is it in the morning before I go to work?

Morning:

* I (together with husband) have to wake up really early because I prepare our breakfast and we bring our daughter to school at half past six in the morning. Too early to go to work. I still have ample time to kill. The gym would do me good instead of being idle for an hour or two.
* Most of the time I feel more energetic in the morning.
* I would like to start my day all pumped up.
* There are lesser people at the gym in the morning.

Downside is sometimes I get hungry a lot when I exercise in the morning.

Evening:

* Will I still have the energy to do my work out after a hectic day at work?
* Always, I want to go home after work and have dinner with my daughter, check her school work, watch television with her or just have some how-was-your-day kind of talk.
* When my friends and I decide to meet, it's always after at work, beyond five or six in the evening. It's not often that we have a get together. I wouldn't want to miss that.

I'm thinking maybe the evening gym schedule will also help me de-stress, will help me relax and take off my mind from all the work load, release all the stress while doing my cardio and some crunches and some stretching. But then again, I can't sacrifice my time with my dear daughter. That will stress me more.

Hmmm, can't think of any upside for the evening schedule. So the morning schedule is a no-brainer. I feel so ready to start the day after every gym session. :)

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Mood: Decided
Music: Astro, Radioactive Sago Project (the theme song of The Evening News)

Photo from Getty Images.

Over a Glass of Soy Milk

I am home. Hubby dropped off daughter to school and drove me back to the house and then left to attend to his business. I'm preparing reviewers for my daughter's major subjects while having a cup of soya milk (and Plurking).

Taking a leave from work was unthinkable for me then. I get so restless that I might be missing something. Things are different now. I don't know if it comes with age. Maybe not because I know a lot of SAHMs and WAHMs a lot younger than I am but they already know family life is tops. Hats off to them. The realization dawned on me just a few years ago. Spending more time with my family is my source of happiness since then. Even my "me time" takes a back seat. True, I will never do away with my own quiet time as it recharges me and puts me in great shape but my priority is always my family.

I still pursue my interests. I still have the energy to go ahead with my corporate goals but it has to be aligned now with my values, with my work conditions. I believe that one can only do great if one is happy with what he or she is doing. I am starting a business and plans are in the pipeline for succeeding ventures. This is in preparation for my intention to leave my corporate life, not yet now but in due time. I have to have a work-life balance. That's the only way I will be satisfied.

I am also starting to work on our papers for the U.S. because my parents are there as well as my sister and brother. I am the only one left here. I just want to be with them, that's my primary reason of wanting to go to the U.S. A close second, as I said before, is the benefits a first world country can give us. Does it sound like I have lost all hope for my Motherland? You tell me at the rate things are going.

Before, 'this is the life' is having a grand time with every step up the corporate ladder, enjoying the perks, being able to meet "important" people, being able to develop and contribute significant decisions for the company, being able to bring my daughter to my big office room. It made me feel good because I felt I was somebody. I won't act coy - these worldly things still energize me and give me a sense of fulfillment. But these are temporal and I need not really bask on them but make good of these experiences by paying it forward.

The turning point was when I left the organization I grew up in two years ago. That's when I realized the happiness of being able to give time to my daughter is incomparable. I transferred to a medium sized company holding still a high profile position but the great difference was I made time for my family.

I'm a mommy-come-lately. I hate to say that. But that's the truth. I am just thankful that it was not too late to build a close relationship with my daughter. I had to do some catching up that at times it appears that I am spoiling her. But it's not so. I'm a mother making amends. Sure I was there in her every firsts - first time she uttered a word (and that's mommy, mind you, when she was nine months old), every first day of school, every most school programs, her graduation (pre-school), field demonstrations, recognition day. I bathe her during weekends and when I have no work. I call her whenever I am away. But looking back, these were not enough. And maybe half of these I was in a hurry because I want to go back to work. I have meetings to preside and I have deadlines to meet. I am thinking now maybe I have not really spent quality time with my daughter. Even going to malls have to be in the precise time I scheduled it. I get so grumpy if we are late (come to think of it, is there such a thing as being late in a mall). I hate to spend my weekends just malling because I want to rest after a week's hard work. Thinking about it, maybe my daughter resented that kind of attitude from me. But all these are in the past. I'm a renewed soul who knows what matters most.

This is the life - spending quality time with my family, my daughter especially. I can't get enough of it actually. I love her to bits and she is my inspiration.

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Mood: Contemplative. This is what a glass of soy milk does to me.
Music: Nada. Just the humming sound of the electric fan.

Photo from Getty Images.