Children and Facebook, What Are the Rules?

I have some issues about Facebook and the children using it. By children here I mean those who are sixteen years old and below. From my experience, children around thirteen and younger usually just play games and interact with their relatives and classmates, add some celebrities they like and wanting more comments when they post something in their wall. That's just about it. Most mothers I know supervise what their children's activities are in Facebook. I do, not just in Facebook but even in Meez which my daughter loves and the sites she visits in YouTube.

Everything is handled properly through open communication so she understands that it's not breathing behind her neck all the time. There are rules that needs to be imposed, rules we both agreed on, and they should be followed.

My daughter's Facebook account is mostly for communication purposes with my family living in the U.S. We used to exchange pictures through Multiply but then everyone has been so active in Facebook that Multiply was left behind. Now other than phone calls, we update each other through Facebook and send some pictures through our albums. We still use Multiply for printing purposes.

As for my account and my daughter's, everything is in private setting. The pictures are just meant for the family and some friends. I just have to note here that my daughter is not much into Facebook which is a good thing. She just opens it to read her aunts, uncle and cousins messages and see their pictures. She checks her classmates' status and comment if she has a thing or two to say. But I still constantly check it and tell her so when she opens her FB.

In most cases I have a fun time reading the threads of my daughter and her classmates and friends, as well as my nieces and nephews. They're just being giggly throwing jokes. It's all fun. I find myself laughing most of the time.

But I noticed my daughter's list of friends ballooned. We edited it.

On my mind though I was asking myself if I did the right thing? Isn't it that reading their posts will make me more aware of what the kids are talking about, have a feel of what is up with them when I read their status no matter how they 'shock' me at times? A thirteen year old talking about being heart broken, come on now. But still, that gives me a peek of how someone in her age bracket reacts to a particular situation.

I only allowed her to keep family and classmates/friends/schoolmates and yes, mothers of her classmates who added her. I know 99% her classmates because they have been together since nursery. I saw them grow up. Much as everything is in private setting, you cannot be too sure of the internet so I really supervise my daughter's online activities. The list is grouped in different categories such as family, friends, classmates and so on. It's easier to manage album privacy setting this way.

A few months ago I saw a picture of one of her schoolmates, W, posed lying sideways on their couch, with arms stretched to her head, wearing a sleeveless, low necked laced blouse and laced stockings. I don't know if you get the picture. But yes, it looked like this girl, barely fourteen, posed for an adult magazine. I just have to take a deep breath seeing it.

I don't want to be judgmental so I let it be. Fine, most probably her mother knows the picture was posted. On my mind was how can she let her daughter pose the way she did and even uploaded it in FB for everyone to see. Beats me. Why even pose and wear something like that even for personal use. Okay, maybe it's none of my business. Let it be. It's not a big deal with them obviously.

This morning as I was about to go to my daughter's FarmVille game, I saw the same picture tagged by one of their schoolmates I'll call A. Three girls - A, B, C - kept on giving their comments about how "yuck" the pose is, how "fugly" the girl is. One even said, "If you're pretty, then it's alright to pose like that and if you're a celebrity." They call the girl names - flirt, sl*t. That was really mean. My goodness. Am I reading comments from kids???? I just have to take a deep breath again.

C is a classmate of my daughter who asked her a few days ago, based on the timestamp, to go and comment too. Oh no, you didn't. My daughter has enough sense not to say anything.

I pity the girl, W. She has been a constant laugh stock of the kids in school. She is like an outcast. Nobody wants to be friends with her. You think these things happen only in the movies. I witnessed how some kids avoided her during their field trip two years ago. They did not even hide their dislike for this girl. The mother in me was really moved.

This makes me wonder if the parents of these girls, W, A, B, and C are checking their children's accounts. I DON'T WANT TO SOUND SELF-RIGHTEOUS because I have my own pitfalls too. But I'm just saying please, please, if we let our kids create an online account like Facebook, it is our responsibility to guide them and yes, check what is going on. Kids, mind your manners and don't be mean. I can only imagine how hurt W will be when she gets to read those comments. Imagine how the mother will react reading those comments. I certainly hope the mother will pull out that picture of her daughter.

Facebook, and other social media networks, forums and sites, can only do so much. Generally they provide protection for a person's privacy especially for kids below eighteen but it's the parents foremost responsibility to guide the children on the proper use of networking accounts.

On the other hand, adverts and applications should be reviewed by the network administrators such that minors will be protected from inappropriate sites appearing on their accounts. Or maybe there should be a language filter? And pictures cannot be used in any way without the consent of parents or owners of the pictures.

I don't want to keep my child in a bubble. She'll experience the real world in time, out of middle school and onto a university. She has to be equipped and guiding her now, I am hoping and praying, will instill in her the right values to make wise choices in the future no matter who or what she encounters in life.

Right now, as a parent I am bound to remind her of these:
1. I will go to the sites she visits and give my two cents about them.
2. Do not disclose personal information and pictures to anyone other than family and close friends. (Explain to the kids why this is so.)
3. The age old rule - don't talk to strangers or don't add people you do not know.
4. Always keep the privacy settings.
5. Please don't just click any link.
6. Have fun but be careful what you post. What's online will be hard to take back.

*Technology (like social networking) is neither intrinsically good nor evil. It all depends on how our kids use it (and how parents guide them).

*From Telegraph.co.uk. Words in italics, mine.