Children and Facebook, What Are the Rules?

I have some issues about Facebook and the children using it. By children here I mean those who are sixteen years old and below. From my experience, children around thirteen and younger usually just play games and interact with their relatives and classmates, add some celebrities they like and wanting more comments when they post something in their wall. That's just about it. Most mothers I know supervise what their children's activities are in Facebook. I do, not just in Facebook but even in Meez which my daughter loves and the sites she visits in YouTube.

Everything is handled properly through open communication so she understands that it's not breathing behind her neck all the time. There are rules that needs to be imposed, rules we both agreed on, and they should be followed.

My daughter's Facebook account is mostly for communication purposes with my family living in the U.S. We used to exchange pictures through Multiply but then everyone has been so active in Facebook that Multiply was left behind. Now other than phone calls, we update each other through Facebook and send some pictures through our albums. We still use Multiply for printing purposes.

As for my account and my daughter's, everything is in private setting. The pictures are just meant for the family and some friends. I just have to note here that my daughter is not much into Facebook which is a good thing. She just opens it to read her aunts, uncle and cousins messages and see their pictures. She checks her classmates' status and comment if she has a thing or two to say. But I still constantly check it and tell her so when she opens her FB.

In most cases I have a fun time reading the threads of my daughter and her classmates and friends, as well as my nieces and nephews. They're just being giggly throwing jokes. It's all fun. I find myself laughing most of the time.

But I noticed my daughter's list of friends ballooned. We edited it.

On my mind though I was asking myself if I did the right thing? Isn't it that reading their posts will make me more aware of what the kids are talking about, have a feel of what is up with them when I read their status no matter how they 'shock' me at times? A thirteen year old talking about being heart broken, come on now. But still, that gives me a peek of how someone in her age bracket reacts to a particular situation.

I only allowed her to keep family and classmates/friends/schoolmates and yes, mothers of her classmates who added her. I know 99% her classmates because they have been together since nursery. I saw them grow up. Much as everything is in private setting, you cannot be too sure of the internet so I really supervise my daughter's online activities. The list is grouped in different categories such as family, friends, classmates and so on. It's easier to manage album privacy setting this way.

A few months ago I saw a picture of one of her schoolmates, W, posed lying sideways on their couch, with arms stretched to her head, wearing a sleeveless, low necked laced blouse and laced stockings. I don't know if you get the picture. But yes, it looked like this girl, barely fourteen, posed for an adult magazine. I just have to take a deep breath seeing it.

I don't want to be judgmental so I let it be. Fine, most probably her mother knows the picture was posted. On my mind was how can she let her daughter pose the way she did and even uploaded it in FB for everyone to see. Beats me. Why even pose and wear something like that even for personal use. Okay, maybe it's none of my business. Let it be. It's not a big deal with them obviously.

This morning as I was about to go to my daughter's FarmVille game, I saw the same picture tagged by one of their schoolmates I'll call A. Three girls - A, B, C - kept on giving their comments about how "yuck" the pose is, how "fugly" the girl is. One even said, "If you're pretty, then it's alright to pose like that and if you're a celebrity." They call the girl names - flirt, sl*t. That was really mean. My goodness. Am I reading comments from kids???? I just have to take a deep breath again.

C is a classmate of my daughter who asked her a few days ago, based on the timestamp, to go and comment too. Oh no, you didn't. My daughter has enough sense not to say anything.

I pity the girl, W. She has been a constant laugh stock of the kids in school. She is like an outcast. Nobody wants to be friends with her. You think these things happen only in the movies. I witnessed how some kids avoided her during their field trip two years ago. They did not even hide their dislike for this girl. The mother in me was really moved.

This makes me wonder if the parents of these girls, W, A, B, and C are checking their children's accounts. I DON'T WANT TO SOUND SELF-RIGHTEOUS because I have my own pitfalls too. But I'm just saying please, please, if we let our kids create an online account like Facebook, it is our responsibility to guide them and yes, check what is going on. Kids, mind your manners and don't be mean. I can only imagine how hurt W will be when she gets to read those comments. Imagine how the mother will react reading those comments. I certainly hope the mother will pull out that picture of her daughter.

Facebook, and other social media networks, forums and sites, can only do so much. Generally they provide protection for a person's privacy especially for kids below eighteen but it's the parents foremost responsibility to guide the children on the proper use of networking accounts.

On the other hand, adverts and applications should be reviewed by the network administrators such that minors will be protected from inappropriate sites appearing on their accounts. Or maybe there should be a language filter? And pictures cannot be used in any way without the consent of parents or owners of the pictures.

I don't want to keep my child in a bubble. She'll experience the real world in time, out of middle school and onto a university. She has to be equipped and guiding her now, I am hoping and praying, will instill in her the right values to make wise choices in the future no matter who or what she encounters in life.

Right now, as a parent I am bound to remind her of these:
1. I will go to the sites she visits and give my two cents about them.
2. Do not disclose personal information and pictures to anyone other than family and close friends. (Explain to the kids why this is so.)
3. The age old rule - don't talk to strangers or don't add people you do not know.
4. Always keep the privacy settings.
5. Please don't just click any link.
6. Have fun but be careful what you post. What's online will be hard to take back.

*Technology (like social networking) is neither intrinsically good nor evil. It all depends on how our kids use it (and how parents guide them).

*From Telegraph.co.uk. Words in italics, mine.

My First Ever Baked Macaroni

January ends a few days from now. Like what I have shared some weeks ago, I set out a number of great expectations for the year and broke them down to months and weeks.

How am I faring so far in January? I would say just fine, pretty well. Some buttons still need to be pushed but things are getting done. Making things happen - my motto for the year.

Professionally I was able to accomplish what I have set to do. I need to push more...should I say pray more...but I am confident to say I am doing my best.

The structure on the business front has been set and will commence anytime now. The target date is within this week.

On the family side, one major step, among several major steps, about one of our major goals for the year has been done. Thanks to my Pop who had been a source of motivation with his constant follow-ups. Subtle follow-ups, haha.

A great effort on my part is dieting. But I'm glad to note I have lost a few pounds when I weighed in during the third week of January. If I will stick with my diet, the trend will continue therefore it is safe to say I will achieve my target weight for the month. Ergo, I should stick to my diet.

And yes, I was able to bake my first ever baked macaroni. It was a spur of the moment since I have most of the ingredients. I thought of sending a message to my niece through Facebook about her baked macaroni recipe. She answered after a few minutes so I gathered the ingredients and started working on it.

What's good about my baked macaroni:
* For a first timer, I was able to produce a decent bechamel sauce.
* The baked macaroni has just about the right texture.

What can improve is the mozzarella flakes I sprinkled on top before I set it in the oven. It just doesn't smell good nor did it give a good taste. It looks good though but my daughter remove the cheese toppings before eating them. The bechamel sauce was great though.


Here's the recipe my niece shared with me.

Macaroni noodles:
1/2 kg, cooked as directed

Macaroni sauce:
Saute chopped onions and crushed garlic cloves in butter.
Add 1/2 kg ground beef and 1 pack of spiced ham.
Pour in 2 medium packs of tomato sauce and 1 small pack of tomato paste; add 1 medium pack of tomato sauce's worth of water.
Add sugar, salt, and pepper to taste.

Bechamel sauce (in low heat):
1/4 cup softened butter
2 big cans Carnation Evap
2 Neste Cream in tetrapacks
1 small can of mushrooms, finely chopped
1 Campbell's cream of musroom (condensed soup)
1/2 bar of ordinary or quickmelt cheese

It is advisable to make the bechamel sauce first and let it cool. Mix the cooked noodles with the red sauce and top it with bechamel sauce. Sprinkle with parmesan cheese or mozzarella or your ordinary cheese. Ready to bake. Brownish toppings and some bubbles will indicate your baked macaroni is ready to serve.

I baked two pans. I thought they're too much but what do you know, they were consumed after one and a half days up to the last noodle.

New Year's List at Random

I have set my expectations for the year 2010 for myself and my family. I'm reading a book by Joel Osteen, It's Your Time, and I agree with him that instead of calling them goals - be bold, be direct, and call them your great expectations. You expect to achieve what you have set to achieve.

While resting my body after a work-out, I decided to write my expectations at random. I know already what I want on my mind. I mapped them out as soon as I got home, broke them down with action plans quarterly, monthly and even weekly where applicable. We all do this at work, why not on our annual personal expectations? It's clearer and it's easier to monitor our progress. This is my little way of giving a hundred percent of my commitment to what I have set to do.

I came up with twenty one items relating to my family, relationship with people, health and wellness, work, travel and leisure, business and money, on line presence, school, home and living. Yes, they do sound like sections you can find in a broadsheet. I did not plan make it that way but it ended up that way. :)

I would like to share a few of them.

1. Up my savings to a certain percentage. Save in all areas that I can save. Every cent counts. If there are more cost-efficient alternatives giving the same quality arriving at the desired result, why not?

I have started on our television cable provider last year. I changed provider because it is almost half the price with 95% of the same channels that I often watch at night. Next would be our DSL. Maybe 90% of the people I know have availed of the bundle service provided by telcos (landline and internet connection) with only an additional P300 monthly. This saves us P600 a month comparing to how much we are paying right now.

Oh yes, I do my own hair coloring now. I just did. This will save me a few thousand pesos quarterly. :)

2. Reach my ideal weight once and for all. I have lost a lot of pounds already for the past two years. But it seems my weight has plateaued. I'm still far from my desired weight. I have no problem with working out but it's the diet that I have to be diligent about. Will mind my diet.

3. Bake. Bake. Bake. Bake cakes and cupcakes. Haha, this runs contrary to my #2. But it's not to devour them but for the pleasure of doing them. I love looking at pastries and cakes. I always love imagining the end product. I admire those dainty cupcakes and how I wish I can make some. They would be nice gifts or give aways and eventually, a business.

My guinea pigs would be the class of my daughter next year. Cupcakes for each classmate and teacher on her birthday. Haha. This gets me so excited.

4. Enroll my daughter in a music summer class.

5. Cut on processed foods gradually, starting at 60% this quarter.

6. Home improvements. We started this January by repainting our room. All the rest are scheduled on specific months.

7. Run, jog, do brisk walking.....whatever it is that will be a joint physical activity for the whole family. My husband stopped going to the gym because of time constraints but he does brisk walking. My daughter swims. I go to the gym. I want us to be in any one of these together at least once a week. Jogging would be the most practical.

8. Have more educational trips as a family. We had fun at Fort Santiago. We will definitely do something like this again.

These are just a few of my great expectations. There are some areas that I want to keep to myself and the family. There are times it's just me and God who know and they happen magically. :)

Happy New Year!

***Read more sharing at Mommy Journey.

Life 2009

2009 has come and gone. I guess that was fast. It was a year of realization and appreciation for me. Thinking about it, there were some things which kept me motivated and inspired throughout 2009.

1. Keeping positive. And actually saying and doing things that will evoke positive emotions and attitudes. The days are not always peaches and cream but being positive let me bounce back quick.

2. Reaching out to people, even to some people I am not that familiar with. A few times I initiated a conversation in a spur of the moment or when I felt there is a need to. This gave me an inner glow knowing that I have made a connection with someone how fleeting it may seem to be. Sometimes too I find myself inspired by some people's ways, reactions, the way they do things no matter how simple it may be. I have always loved observing people.

3. Reconnecting. I started reconnecting with old classmates, a few acquaintances, gym mates, neighbors and some people who had been close to me one way or another in the past.

4. Keeping a gratitude journal. I started mine last October. I list at least five things, situations, people, whatever it is that made me happy or satisfied throughout the day. This helps me a lot to be grateful day to day.

5. Keeping myself updated about the current trends in areas of interest to me, of things that are relevant, of current events. More often than not, they add fuel to my passion.

5. Exercising. Who knew the time will come that I would enjoy going to the gym and actually doing a lot of exercising, even yoga and dance classes. But really, I get so recharged after every session. In fact my mind and body crave for the gym when I am stressed out.

6. My family's unconditional love. My family is my support system and my source of strength.

7. Creating, giving time for the family especially for my daughter.

8. Having an epiphany about a very important matter in my life.

9. Indulging in a hobby. I cooked a lot of times and baked a few times (well, instant brownies, haha). I took photographs which led to an idea of creating a photoblog for 2010.

10. Reading inspirational books, passages, even twits on a daily basis. An inspiring line or two sometimes makes a great difference.

11. Mingling with my churchmates. I am inspired by their faith and how they are so eager to serve God.

12. Being mindful of the present. Keeping still when my mind starts with its simultaneous planning again. This helps me to be more focused.

13. Enjoying life's simple joys. A successful adobo, a beautiful picture I took, Glee.....

14. Keeping myself excited on what is in store, keeping my dreams alive both personally and professionally, and continuously working to achieve my goals.


15. Praying. At all times. Communing with God is very powerful.

I intend to keep doing all these on 2010. They made me feel so alive and purposeful. Life is good! I embrace LIFE 2010 and onwards with even greater positivity! We all freakin' deserve a great 2010 and beyond! :)

Through the years I have learned that there are a lot of things to be excited about. I love this feeling of adrenalin rush. It keeps me going. I am excited and looking forward to what is in store.

God is good all the time! :)