I Have a Tween

I remember bonding moments with my mother when I was eight during the mid-70s. Those were as simple as grocery shopping, watching TV, or reading a book together. Or going to a beauty parlor for our haircut and her vanity staples -- manicure and pedicure. Or helping her in the kitchen as she prepared snacks for the family. Simple joys, but I don't remember being happier than when we were connected that way.

Fast forward to present. I am now mother to an ten year old daughter, a "tween," which is how pre-pubescent adolescents are now called. Tween, because they are between childhood and teenage years.

Tweens have their own identity, considered by marketing experts as a distinct and lucrative target market -- a niche for a wide range of products like magazines, books, gadgets, television shows, websites, and toiletries. They bring in money and profit for businesses carrying brands that appeal to them. Sure, they don't earn yet, but they can convince their parents to spend for them.

With all the choices tweens are offered, their attention jumps easily from one interest to another. Media hype about products can mislead, confuse, or even stress them out. They are vulnerable to misinterpreting the cacophony of messages they are subjected to daily.

As parents, we need to take steps to ensure that their young lives are not unduly shaped by the media and that they keep their own identities. As gatekeepers, we have to continuously nurture the values we have imparted to them from the start. Tough job indeed but mothers have ways.

Know and understand. Like most mothers, I set reasonable limits to what my tween can watch on television, read, and access in the Internet. We browse side by side and discover good, fun, educational sites together. At the same time I understand I can only supervise so much: when she goes out, she is on her own. All I can do is to discuss with her the nice and not so nice things outside and to point out possible dangers.

At some point I take our bonding time as an intervention in her "little tween life." I need to know and understand her interests. I listen to her stories. I digest what she really means. If I sense there is really something to it, I start a conversation. Connected to her interest, I often find something that genuinely interests me too. Then we share and enjoy it together, sometimes giggling -- just like best friends!

Get involved. I have my own television fare in Lifestyle Channel or AXN but I need to keep abreast with Hannah Montana, Jesse McCartney, the Cheetah Girls and others in my daughter's chest of faves. Together, we try to know these characters better. We applaud their good points and "tsk tsk" their less than exemplary qualities.

In one episode, Hannah is bothered -- she wants to watch a concert but at the same time has to study for an exam the next day. Without much prodding, my tween concluded Hannah clearly had to choose school. "The concert will have DVD; but there's no repeat for the test!" Alrightee! I gave my smart daughter a hug.

Show support. There are times tweens need to feel independent, which may be as simple as letting them choose what to wear to go to church or to the mall. We used to argue a lot about this but I have since learned to keep cool and generally give in. I never fail to praise my daughter every time I get home to find her assignments all done. I think my appreciative noises have encouraged her to study advanced lessons.

Take time to share. I notice how my tween gets curious when dad and mom talk about the way they were as children. She would eagerly ask questions. To me, for example: "Did you meet mean girls, too, when you were in grade 3?" To her dad: "How did you study and play basketball at the same time?" Though the questions could get tiring, they were an opportunity to share slices of our past life while imparting values.

There are no hard and fast rules in raising a tween. But I am certain of this: they teach us a few things such as to keep in touch with our long-ago youth; to be open to new ideas; to reaffirm our old values; and to remember to teach by example. We want our tweens to walk the right path. And guidance is one way to ensure they are leading the right track.

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Mood: Good.
Music: All for One, High School Musical Cast (TV's tuned in to Disney Channel.)